Meetintg up with Friends

I've not seen David Nelson in ages so when I finsished work early yesterday I went into town to see my best mate Gary and then over to see Marcus Chops cos we had not had a Fajitas Friday in ages and not seen him either. Then over to meet David who is currently in London working as Stage Manager on the soon to Tour Saturaday Night Fever Show going over to Korea and Taiwain. Was good to catch up with him.

After a late night, Richard and Mark (Leather Queens) and Stuart came over today and we went to lunch in Nazeing at a local pub. The King Harolds Head. Was nice to see the whole gang again and our only catch up over christmas.

Going to get an early night pre new years. Happy New Year everyone. x

Early Starts again

I guess it will never matter how many times I have to get up early, I will never be a morning person. Having decided I would be in bed by 10:00 last night it was gone 11:00 before I could get to sleep and then I was awake at 4:00, 5:00, 5:30 and 6:15. By then I decided there was no point whatsoever of lying there any longer and so got up to make a large pot of coffee.

The office is only half open this week, its really hard to get motivated when its so quiet and almost everyone that I know is off on holiday until the new years.

Still the weekend is New Years and I have managed to get the Tuesday off to celebrate the traditional way with my friends at DT on NYD. Should be fun. Just hoping that the next couple of days go by pretty quickly. Im sure I will be more motivated in the new year when I can email people and actually get a response.

You shouldnt wish your life away but roll on 2007 and bring on the spring. Isnt everyone sick of the winter already?

Always on my mind

I had to go back to work today after spending Christmas at home and Boxing day at Alex & Mikeys at the new location of Basingstoke. It was a shame I had to work today as couldnt stay and have a drink. Hey Ho.

This is the first year in over 8 years that I have worked between Christmas and New Year. It was hard to get up this morning at 7AM. I was so tired and had to sit at my desk and try and work my way through it.

I couldnt get Dusan off my mind. It was like all day I was unable to concentrate on anything at all, but thoughts of him coming back and our future together. I had hoped he would call tonight, especially as I missed his call while I was at Janes on Christmas day. But you cant have it all. His emails have gotten much longer now too and it wont be long now. I guess I keep almost expecting to wake up and it all have been a dream. It may be a dream but its my dream and its slowly coming true.

Roll on the weekend and bring in the year 2007. If its anything like 2006 it will be full of surprises a plenty and lots of fond memories. For now I need an early night or I will never get through the day at the office tomorrow. Sweet dreams x

Twas the night before christmas and.....

Twas the night before Christmas and in true Borchard Tradition it was time to go to the folks for an Indian meal. I am not sure if it my intolerence that lowers or what, but I got to 2 Mansion House and there were Samantha's kids to deal with, Grace and Alex. Then there was the fact that my uncle doesnt like Little Britain. Well what do you expect from a daily mail reader. I feel like I am being pushed away from my own family. Will I let this stop me? No. It was a really bizare situation. Only my cousin Samantha knows about Dusan. Its almost like going in to the closet again. I feel like I am not allowed to mention or say anything about my sexuality and let alone the fact that my Fiance will be back in a few weeks time. See, if I was Straight it would be all above board. Hey Ho.

So I have come home, slightly fluffy to say the least, well enjoy the free wine I say.

Also earlier while delivering cards Dusan caught me on the mobile and we chatted for ages. I love him so much. It feels like torture him not being here right now. Hey Ho Next year will be different. There will be both of us and I just know they will love him.

So the night before Christmas, watching Torchwood and rather fluffy. Merry Christmas everybody. May your Christmas be happy and Gay and god bless us all, everyone. x

Sometimes it all comes together sometimes it falls apart

Sometimes things seem to be going in your favour, everything seems to be going right then another time you feel its all going wrong. Right now, its the latter, I have not wrapped a thing, they didnt have the last of the gifts on the shelves in the stores, and then it happened, they were playing Cristmas music and I heard "Its going to be lonely this Christmas". You know what, it is going to be a very lonely Christmas but I have to have POO. Yep Poo as Neil Sexton would say you have to have a Positive Optomistic Outlook. But my POO doesnt feel so good right now. Maybe its because I miss my babycakes Dusan.

I should be happy. I got the job I wanted, My Fiance is coming back Early to marry me, I'm eating my favourite dinner, Sausage and Mash with Beans and Onion Gravy and watching my favourite Christmas movie which how Fortuitious happened to be on, Miracle on 34th Street. I should be the happiest man on the planet earth, and yet deep down I am crying. If only mum and Dad would be happy for me maybe I would see it all in a different light.

I'll be okay, but then at Christmas if you cant tell the truth and dream, what can you do?

Hollyoaks in the City

Hollyoaks is by far my favourite soap opera on the television. With the new, Hollyoaks late night, Hollyoaks in the city its even better. Adult themes can be covered and they can take the storyline further in. The gorgous Adam player by Philip Oliver is currently struggling to come out. Amazingly, it doesnt matter that its been over 8 years since I told my parents and changed my life dramatically for the better. Just watching him come out and say it in the television show it brings all of the memories of how it felt come flooding back.

A few hours ago, just after I had gotten in from work Richard (one of the leather queens) called me and stated he was in London. At just 0800 this morning they were about to board an airplane to Poland for a week over Christmas. Apparently, after some delays they got to their lay over in Prague but their luggage was in somewhere like Austria. They could have made it to their destination eventually but without all their winter woolies they bailed and took the first availible flight home. Its good to know that they are home safe and sound.

My good friend Claire was due to fly on Wednesday evening to Ethiopia on a treking holiday. This Pea Soup fog has not cleared for 2 days now and nearly 400 flights around the UK and Europe have been cancelled. Hers included. Had a text late this evening saying she never did make it and was at home again and no longer going. The poor love. I know how much she had looked forward to it and now is not going. So sad isnt it?

So I am about to head to bed on the last day of work before Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone.

Civil Partnerships - 1 year old

Hard to believe that its been a year since the law changed and after making declarations 15 days prior the UKs first ever Civil Partnerships were being undertaken on this very day one year ago.

Celebritys such as Sir Elton John and David Furnish being just 2 of the now in excess of 20,000 people who have made a committment in such a way.

Hard to believe that a year on, I am about to start to plan my own.

We have been talking about it for a lot longer than a year, while it was still in the discussion stages of Parliament we were talking about our plans back then. So while it may still be hard for my parents to understand that Dusan and I love each other enough to want to be Civil Partners for the simple fact we love each other and want to spend every living day together and not appart. A love forced into long distance just because of a georgraphy as to where he was born. A love that has grown stronger with distance and time and a love that approaches its 4th anniversary on the 9th January.

I am scared out of my mind that we will have problems with the home office and everything will end at appeal but I believe in Love above all things (I sound very Moulin Rouge there) and Love will conquere all. I will fight tooth and nail to have my beloved Dusan as my life partner, beloved Husband and Civil Partner and wont rest until he is. Thats the strength of love. You would do anything, leave no page unturned to achieve your ultimate happiness. I wont rest till my heart is whole and my love is returned unto me.

GMC Christmas Concert at the Barbican

Having received an Email months ago from the GMC announcing their big annual concet at the Barbican this evening. Emily, Gill, Lisa and I booked to go. With it being so close to Christmas we were all looking forward to it immensely. I got away early enough to go and collect the car from Liz & Phil's and make the drive a few miles across town to the Barbican, meeting Emily at just after 1830.

We made our way to the cafe for a bite to eat and a drink and a catch up when moments later Gill and Lisa arrived. My faveourite girls all around one table.

As the Cafe started to empty out we decided we should start to make our way to our seats. Grabbing our coats and bags and making our way to the auditurium. There was Gill, Lisa and I but where was Emily? We all went back and found her perched on the side of the cafe frantically going through her hand bag. Its contents, Make up, CD's book and goodness knows what else a lady keeps in her handbag were all on the side and a look of panic was on Emilys face.

Emily couldnt find the tickets. She had found the packaging that they had come in and promised she had them when she left the office. Try as hard as she could they were not in her bag. In a bit of a flap and with just minutes before the performance began I managed to find a member of staff and got directions to the box office. It was a Credit Card booking, they could simply print us off more. So we rushed down to the lower floor and found the Box Office now empty.

"Excuse me, we seem to have a problem..." and explained the situation. "What was the name?", asked the supervisor. Someone had handed them in. A wave of relief had come all over Emily and how we laughed. Not at her but at the fact it had given us something to smile over.

We made our way to our seats. Fabulous, Row A of the Circle (Lucky Bitches). We took our seats as the lights went down and the Gay Mens Chorus entered the Auditorium.

I think we can honestly say it was the best Christmas Concert any of us have ever been to. Funny, amazing singing and some sing alongs. The boys did a mix of traditional classics such as Ding Dong Merrily on High and The First Noel as well as some of the more modern songs like Santa Baby. A drag queen sang Big Spender and incorporated audience partipation and by the second half we were enjoying ourselves so much we were singing along to almost every line and it was all we could to keep Emily from launching herself at the boys. The lovely Sandy Toksvig was our compere.

It was the perfect way to spend a night on the approach to Christmas to get you in the mood. A great Christmas concert spent in great, no fabulous company. I honestly think it will be an annual treat and as for the GMC, they surprise me time after time. 3 Concerts by them this year and I love every song more and more. I've been home nearly an hour and cant sleep, must be that I am high on adrenaline. Emily put it well, it was the perfect Christmas Bonanza to round off the year. Is that it? End of 2006? No, it aint over till DTPM on NYD. Merry Christmas for now everyone, may your Christmas be Merry and Gay.

Details of the London Gay Mens Chorus can be found at;
http://www.lgmc.org.uk/

Christmas meal with Lord & Lady Liberty

After a long day at the office and a severe lack of sleep over the weekend I was feeling absolutely shattered when I made the walk from the office to the Long Term Car Park in Chelmsford. It seemed a simple enough journey when I made it in broad daylight but in the misty fog filled night air it took us both about 20 minutes to find both the car park and my car. Claire wouldnt climb over a simple fence (So she had heals on!) so we had to go the long way. I was so tired I could have done with just going home, but I had promised I would go and see Lord & Lady Lizzie and Phil. I call them Lord & Lady Liberty and they call me The Baron.

It was around 715 when I finally made my way through the grand electronic gates of their riverside appartment. Philip came down and lead me up to their floor. Lizzie came running out, dressed as the domestic goddess in her kitchen apron and with pans of delicious food all prepared in the kitchen.

Lizzie had said she had felt rotten during the day and could have so easily have cancelled but it had been so long since we had all seen each other she just couldnt. It was funny because I was feeling so tired I felt the same, but it had been so long, I just couldnt cancell either.

We sipped on a glass of wine and admired the views of Canary Wharf and the River Thames from this vantage point. It really is the most incredible view of Canary Wharf. You can literally see all of the towers from the 7th floor in an un obstucted view.

After dinner we sat, chilled, chatted, caught up, laughed and watched my picture CD of the year. It really is the best one yet.

Somehow it was after 12:00 before we knew it and thankfully they had talked me into staying overnight and leaving my car at theirs and getting a cab to work. Bliss, if only I could do that every day.

For once, Lizzie, Phil and I have celebrated Christmas at Christmas time. Last year we did it in August. Well we like to be different. Thanks for a fabulous night guys and for letting me stay! Big kiss. Neil

Fabulous News and Start the Clock

For months I have felt that things have been going against me that every time something right happens something wrong happens to counter balance it. Now, suddenly, it seems that things are going in my favour.

Today I had an interview at a company in Chelmsford that my dear friend Claire set up for me. Its a very similar project management role as to that I have done for Dendrite, learning software from development, putting together all training materials and getting everything ready from excercises, agenda's, liasing with clients, makeing sure all persons are happy with the final product and delivery etc. Its the natural next step up from what I have been doing as a career since 1998.

I have never had an interview where I see them in the Morning and start just 22 hours later before.

I popped in to see my Nan on the way home. She's 85 and only lives a few minutes up the road. Then came home for a domestic afternoon when at 4PM Lea called me from the USA. We talked for half an hour when the landline went and I had to go. I have six rings after the land line goes to answer before the machine kicks in. It was, as anticipated, my babycakes Dusan. (Yes, thats our pet name for each other. Babycakes. It was what my friend Mark aka Lavern used to call me in Orlando). We talked for 50 minutes. Amazing that he can actually call via a calling card from his own cabin direct to my house. Of course he can call a Mobile but its twice the cost for half the time.

His coming home to see me on the 20th January. Cant wait. Baby is coming home in just 32 days. I have a new contract to see me through the first 2 months of 2007 and my life with the man I love begining.

My parents, I know, are somewhat worried. They have never met him, they think that I could be making a big mistake, but after 4 years in January of us being together, it seems the natural next step. We love each other with all our hearts, more than either of us has ever loved someone before and if thats not a sign that its right, I dont know what is. The fact that we have remained boyfriends during his time on the ship andwhile he was back in Croatia can only mean that absense has made the heart grow fonder and I cant wait to begin a life together with him.

So the clock is now at just 32 days. Christmas and New Year will soon be here and then its just over 2 weeks till his here. If that isnt a great way to start the week, I dont know what is. A week today is Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone. x

Nightingale, Birmingham

Following our very late night, we finally got to sleep at 0700 only to be woken by housekeeping at 0830. Whats with that? Sureley they know that we have not checked out yet?

So we had some coffee and had checked out and left the hotel by noon. Dropping Jaffa Joe off at the Station we hit the road to make the long journey of about 180 miles, North to Birmingham. Stopping twice for a bathroom break and to grab some food we made it to Brum by 4PM and checked into our city centre Holiday Inn Hotel. It was just minutes from Hurst street and a couple of minutes walk from the Nightingale.

Carl joint us in our hotel at 730PM just as we started to watch the X Factor finale. He had won a magnum of Champagne and so we tucked into that pre going out (Lucky Bitches) and made our way down to the very trendy Loft Bar for 9PM. I'm not quite sure it is called Loft Bar. I was expecting it to be upstairs somewhere but it was just a normal street level bar. So we had a couple of Ciders and then maybe it was that I had drunk a fair few the night before or that it doesnt mix well with Champagne but the acidity was getting to me so I switched to soft drinks.

We arrived at the Gale just after 11:30 and made our way to the top floor where Gary was playing. Once he started I made a tour of the place and it had changed slighty since I was last in Birmingham. It was packed. The lower floor full of the G-A-Y crowd, the middle full of people chilling or playing pool around the Piano bar and the top floor the classic dance floor.

Around 1300 I made my way to the lower floor were BeWitched were peforming a set. They were quite good considering you never hear of them anymore.

Gary's set over ran slightly till just after 230 and then the combination of a lack of sleep and a long drive had gotten to us and we made our way home to the Hotel for a fairly early night. Shattered and with some sleep deprivation we slept like babies and didnt wake till almost 11:00AM Sunday to check out and make our way home. Was a really fun weekend and the first time I have not been depressed in ages. Was also nice to spend some quality time with Gary. Don't you find it so nice to sleep in your own bed again after you have spent some time away? Nothing like your own pillows and Duvet is there?

Gary H live launches the new Hart, Eastbourne

Woah, I am currently lying in bed at 0952AM with Jaffa Joe and Gary H post Gary's launch night at the Hart, Eastboure. A town that is perhaps known for its large number of old people, neither of us knew what to suspect when a booking came for Gary to play a set from 10:00 till 2:00 on the 15th December. We arrived in Eastbourne a little after 5:00 and headed out for a quick tipple of Magners at a local watering hole, the Crown & Anchor. I dont know if Gary had his Polly Paranoia head on or what, but he was insistent that everyone in the bar was gay. Just becuase likes the scent of Eauh do Cologne doensnt mean he is of the other pesuaision. How Very Dare He! But having said that, looking around there did look to be a certain amount of "Mo's" everywhere. Or Maybe the Gay look is in, in Eastbourne?


Heading back to the hotel via some shops and a large meat feast pizza we stopped and bought some Cider to enjoy in the hotel room (Lucky Bitches) and freshen up.

Groomed, shaved and presented we were ready to rock and roll and made our way from the Hotel the 10 minutes down to the Hart. Eastbournes only gay venue.

Now from the offset we had no idea what we should expect,perhaps something along the lines of the White Swan?

Having spent over Half a Million pounds doing it up, the Hart was already fairly busy with around 15 people inside already when we arived. A thoroughly modernised and nicely decorated Gay Pub / Club. Ecelptic throughout with a touch of camp. It was looking lovely. A nice modern venue with a big dance club at the back.

Gary was eager to put his music down and see where he was going to play so we were ushered through the bar into the hall where a ladder was awaiting. Up a ladder and over a set of stairs to the loft of the club area. Gary was playing in the Gods.

With an hour to go, the venue was filling up nicely we had time for a couple more Magners then made our way up to the Loft so Gary could start the music flowing. Gary is 6'4 and a 1/2". The roof of the loft was 6'5" giving him about half an inch at the middle, the egges curve in. This was all good and well if Health and Safety hadnt in the way and insisted that there be An Emergency Light in the room which pertruded 2" down approximatly 1 foot behind the DJ's Decks. Poor Gary, if he banged it once he banged it 100 times. Which is fine, cos now I know for Christmas to get him a Hard Hat. :-) Stayed up in the Loft for almost 2 hours, pressing the smoke machine button sporadically before Jaffa Joe arrived just before midnight.

We grabbed a couple more Magners and got one for Gary and I precariously made my way back up the Ladder with a glass of ice and a bottle of Magners.

Joe and I then ventured through into the dance part of the Hart. You know what, Eastbourne may be a little small town but they sure do have a fabulous venue at its Heart (Boom boom, get the pun?). We danced till 2:00 when the lights came up and then managed to bring the party back to our hotel room till 7:00AM. So why I am awake at before 10:00 i'll never know. Was a fab night, in fab company and gets a 2 thumbs up from me.

Eastbourne & Birmingham with Big G

Got a bit of a manic wekeend lined up. First thing tomorrow I have a Medical for a job I have applied for (Fingers crossed). I only got the form back this morning from my Doctor giving signed approval that I can and am phisically able to do the job. Now I have to pass a fitness test and medical. Wish me luck.

After that I am driving to town and picking up Gary. Well as his Unofficial Fan Club I have to support him whereever I can. Actually, in truth, his one of the nicest men I have ever had the honour to meet and who wouldnt want to be around him. His been there in my depressive moments, keeping me busy and occupied while I am away and missing Dusan. Thank you Gary. You are one in a Billion.

So I shall pick him up (Does this make me his driver now? LOL) and we will make our way to Eastbourne. I forget the name of the club but they have just spent half a million doing it up and Gary is Playing. Then on Saturday, once we get up we have a 3 hour drive up to Birmingham. I have been promising to come and see him play at the Nightingale for months and never had a chance. Its just the weekend I need, keeping me busy and spending it with good company. Even better, tomorrow Jaffa Joe will come down (Official caterer to Vauxhall Cowboy) and we will have another fun boys weekend. We will hook up with Carl in Birmingham who has just won a magnum of Champagne and so looks like a very fun weekend.

Wish me luck in my test tomorrow and watchout Eastbourne and Birmingham. Lock up your sons, here comes VC & Big G.

Dusan's news

Woke up this morning and as always, check my email. Its almost as though I look in anticpation at the list of names hoping that his will appear in my Inbox. There it was. Dusan Stojnovic. I clicked on it immediately. He said everyone was saying how down and sad he looked and sounded. I said the same thing to him when we spoke on Sunday. He said even his mother had said it last night on the telephone. So I guess he really is getting down and depressed. Hopefully this will make him want to come back even the sooner. His big news however was that talking to his mother last night he plucked up the courage to tell her that he was now engaged and about our plans to Civil Partnership next year. Being a strong catholic country he was nervous about telling her. I can totally empathise, I was scared stiff of telling my mother and ended up doing it by telephone also. He said that she said she is happy for him and that he has to pursue his own dreams whatever they may be. So we have his mothers blessing and mine are happy if I am happy.

I wish I could say I was happy. I guess both he and I are in a state of depression while we wait till we can see each other once more.

Hopefully with the Christmas build up the time will pass quicker than it has been and once we are through the new year I it will be the countdown of a the last remaining weeks. If, that is, he doesnt come back sooner. How amazing would it be to have Christmas together. Hearing him say he was in tears and down and sad made me feel sad. Come home soon honey, your home is here and waiting.

Till next time, good luck with all the Christmas shopping everyone. Big kiss, Neil x

Friends, Boyfriend and dear freinds

Came home from what can only be described as a day from hell at the office. My team of five are about to quit. I cant blame them, work is really not good at the moment. I think half of the team will quit tomorrow.

Then had a call from Neil Sexton, Spoke to Alex, spoke to Jaffa Joe, Emailed Dusan and had a call from Debbie Scanlan and Lea Crow in the USA. Two of my oldest friends. You cant say thats a bad day. How many nice friends called.

Just exhausted from all the stress and have a big few days coming up.

Ready for a change in career and ready for my babycakes to return. If I get this new contract do you think if I offer him some of the money will he come home for christmas? Thats my dream, or rather my fantasy right now x

Gaydar Radio Staff Christmas Party

Having never really having been to one of these before, being a contractor we rarely get invited, Gary and I were well up for for a fab evening out. So at to ensure neither of us ruined our appetite we didnt eat lunch and so as the clock slowly ticket around to 630 we were begining to feel famished. Id met Gary at his around 3PM and just spent the afternoon chatting and putting together an interview of VC interviewing Superstar DJ Gary Harrison. Funny how much you get to find out about someone by just asking. We were both dreased and ready when the taxi arrived sharply at 630PM taking us the short journey down to Wandsworth and China Boulivard.

Being slightly early, Gary took us right in where we met the lovely Miss Loose Change (Anna) who was busy putting the last minute touches out while the restaurant staff were just finishing their mis en plus. The Restaurant, China Boulevard, overlooks the Thams and the Qsoft Party was taking all of the tables on the Upper Floor. I can only guess that there must have been 100 people there. There were two complimentary bars and all the tables had been laid with name places. On every chair sat a gift. Apparently the Qsoft staff had all done a secret Santa and all of the plus ones received a gift from Qsoft. This had been unexpected.

As more people arrived famliar faces that I know and love. Simon with JD, Jason & Keith, Yannick & Sam, Robin & Jamie, Neil Martin. All the stars of the Radio and the production team too. Its been a funny year. To think a year ago I only knew Neil, now these are names and faces that I see week after week, party after party, that I have shared memory after memory. With all the Prides and Gaydar Days, the memories are packed full this year and coming to a climatic close of the year with me being invited to their staff party. God bless you Gary, You really are, One in Billion.

Once everyone had arrived we took our seats. Our table was near the front and we were sat with Yannick & Amanda & Gary, one of the owners of Gaydar and 3rd most influential gay person in the UK according to this years polls. Somehow I am sat on a table with the 3rd most influencial homosexual in all of this great land! Somehow that became the topic that we were all discussing.

As the 5 course Chinese meal commenced (5 Course Chinese) we had Dumplings, Lobster, Peeking Duck , the main courses and Fritters for dessert. I only remember drinking 5 or 6 drinks. It must have been the fact that I had eaten so little during the day, but it really seemed to have gone to my head. Oh dear. I was feeling a little queer in the attic (As Simon Le Vans would say). The meal ended with an Entertainer. Doing jokes, juggling and that soft of thing. Was quite funny but I was a little drunk to understand all of the jokes. As fast as it hard started the coached were arriving to take the masses to the clubs and bars in central London while we slipped into a taxi and made our way to Robins for a quiet chill.

Well thats what we were told, but there ended up being about 20 people there so I guess it was not so quiet. Once more, another night of fond memories in good company. As we left today, I had to comment to Gary that the thing about his work, which I have never seen somewhere else so much, is that they are all Friends. Its like the company is all friends. A company of friends who work together and then party together. Somehow I have been lucky enough to be invited into this fold and mine has been the year of years filled with so many happy memories. The year has not yet drawn to a close and tne memories are still being packed in. So a huge Thank you to Gary for Inviting me, to Robin & Jamie for the chill out, to everyone in the Gang who's been there at any event this year, and thanks to you all for the love that you show and for sharing this wonderfull life with me. Oh and incase you are wondering what was in the gift? I now have a silver and glass Gaydar Desk Clock. Its quite sweet really. Sometimes I do look back back and say, Isnt life Great?

To top a great weekend off, I came home and the landline rang. My weekly fix of Mr Perfect. Dusan on the phone. I couldnt have asked for a better ending to it myself. He promises to be back late January, which still seems miles away at the moment, but through these teary eyes, and heaven knows they have been teary filled this week, there is a glimmer of a smile cos I just know that once his here I will be the cat who's got the cream. I will have my fairytale. My baby Dusan!

Pre Gaydar Radio Staff Party

Today is the much anticipated Gaydar Staff Christmas Party. Apparently its a chinese restaurant in west London somewhere and I have very luckily been invited along as guest of the very gorgeous Gary H.

Having partied with the gang at several prides, Thorpe Park and Alton Towers Gaydar Days I no longer feel a groupie on the outside of their group.

No doubt I shall have a tale to tell or two by this time tomorrow. :-)

Work out Galore

Woah what a day, slept in till 11:00, naturally then just after I woke up heard the most enormous crack, like that of a huge car accident outside your house. Turns out the crack I could hear was the Tornado passing through that hit North West London and took the roof off over 30 houses in London. I cant believe that we could hear it here in NE London.

I got dressed and spent an hour writing Christmas cards and then queued at the post office to pay to post them. I sent everyone a CD of pictures of my year with them and so it cost over £1 each to send them to the USA. Worth every penny. You cant put a price on memories.

Mum was supposed to join me and go shopping but she was too busy so I went to Harlow to get some of the last gifts on my list this christmas. Have but 2 to buy now, Adam & Verity and Dad. I know what I getting them but its a case of finding it.

At 445PM I made my way to the gym and today was workout two. An hour of cardio and an hour of weights. I left the gym with such low sugar level I had to eat immeditely. So came home and made a huge vat of bolognaise, low fat and ate a third of it. For once I used beef, apparently its good for muscle growth.

I had planned on wrapping presents this evening but spoke to the lovely Jane, my oldest friend. We have known each other since we were five years old and have been dear friends over 20 years. Then Stuart and later Fifi Dior Darling and Gary H.

Gary is one in Billion. Not many you can say that about but what an amazing man. I cant believe how I have only known him less than a year and yet its like I have known him forever. Love you big G.

Just finished a bottle of wine. Oopps. There goes the workout. Well, it was the last bottle of my collection and I had worked out for over 2 hours.

Missing Dusan more than ever. Cant believe I have to live through a christmas without him. I know, he will be back in January, but its not the same. You dont say, lets do Christmas in January do you? You dont plane a Valentine Date (Marcus Chops Birthday) in March. You just dont do it. I hate the thought that he is alone on that ship and hating every minute when he could be here and I could be looking after him. I miss him so much, there is nothing I would not do for that man. Come back soon babycakes.

So its now bed time and ready for sleep. Sweet dreams everyone. Oh and please email me, neil@vauxhallcowboy.com with your address if you want a card. Big love Neil x

PS - Gill, I love you best girl. Keep smiling please and I hope me bailing on the show didnt make you so down. I was so tired I just had to go. I love you honey.

Cleaning out old stuff

Having so much time off this week I have finally gotten around to doing some of the things I have been meaning to do for so long. Clean out the spare room, file away a years worth of unfilled paperwork and sort out the drawers in the bedroom. Why does the underwear draw forver need re folding? Memo to me, stop at Muji and buy dividers.

Wrote a long letter to Dusan and stopped via the post office to buy Christmas stamps and then came home and spent 4 hours filing and throwing out old stuff. I had credit card statements dating back 8 years so anything over three years was shreaded.

Caught up on some emails and made some dinner and settled in for the night with some television and chatted to Richard Chops & Marcus Chops on the telephone.

Still have loads to clean out. Before Dusan returns I want to have the spare room sorted and the spare bed in there, I need to buy a second chest of draws so that his clothes have somewhere to go and to finish cleaning out his side of the wardrobe. I figure the best thing to do is to throw away anything that I have not worn in over a year and be ruthless. I couldnt believe I owned so many pairs of Calvin Klein underpants. So I have the run up to Christmas and then the countdown to my babys return. They say you shouldnt wish your life away but there are some periods of time that you just want to will away in search for a better life with the man of your dreams.

Dusan called with some very good news

Every time the land line goes in my house my heart skips a beat, a beat of anticipation, hoping that perhaps the caller at the other end will be Dusan. He usually calls me on the land line and aside from the odd call from Richard Ms Mason and cold sales calls it never rings. As I answered there was a second or two delay with the satellite connection. It was my babycakes.

Last time we talked we had gotten disconnected after a few minutes and the line went dead. He said it was probably the rough seas causing a bad satellite connection

We talked for 45 minutes this time about the party, about his life on the ship, what he had done at the mall in Fort Lauderdale yesterday, the colour of our ties for the wedding and most importantly about what he was going to do. Was it worth him staying for 6 months now that the dollar is so weak and set to devalue even further this week. Apparently its already at $1.98 to the pound. Was fabulous for Mikey and I shopping last week but its not so good for him changing it into Croatian Kuna or Sterling.

He said he will probably stay only till late January now and then will come back to visit. We are both hating being apart and his whole reason for being there is fading as the dollar dies.

He was asking if I thought he should come back and I would only be lying if I didn’t say its what I want more than anything else with all the love in my heart. I want to spend every day with him in my life. See his smile everyday and kissing him goodnight every night. To feel, touch and hold someone you hold so dear is one of the greatest gifts on earth.

So finally, it would appear that the countdown has begun again, maybe as short as 8 or 9 weeks and I will see the man I will spend the rest of my life with once more.

Keep strong babycakes, I know how much you hate it there, remember I did it for Disney too and I quit after a few months. There is nothing wrong with leaving a job in pursuit of better things. Keep smiling and know how much I love you.

For the first time since we said goodbye in Zagreb I can feel optimistic that I will see him sooner rather than later. I have never thought that 6 months could seem such a long way into the future. Just six months ago it was the middle of the summer and it was all just beginning, now his been gone nearly 2 months already and I miss him more each and everyday.

Let the countdown begin and may gods speed be with us both till we see each other again. All my love, Neil x

Nazeing's first Pride

To celebrate my house warming and as promised a year ago I hosted the villages first ever gay pride event exclusively by invitation only. The invites were sent and RSVPs replied. The lovely Jaffa Joe arrived Friday evening and cooked loads of food for us to enjoy and an amazing spread was put on impressing one and all.



The guests started to arrived at 2:00 with Gary first in and soon it was packed to the rafters.


Had dozens of messages of thanks and that a good time was had so guess we pleased. Loads of food was left over, tons of wine was spilt and many a wall marked. Someone kindly was sick down a wall and I have spent most of today cleaning. Wish I had taken an after photo now to show you how messy the house was this morning when I got up.

Despite the fact the invites said it would run until 10PM, I finally retired, leaving many still downstairs at 6AM.

Thank you to everyone who came out and helped us to have a fabulous time and a huge thank you to Jaffa Joe (Joe Griffiths). Couldnt have done it without you babes. Thank you to all those who came so far, especially Richard from Bristol and Adam from Nottingham. x

Wickedly worn out on World Aids Day

Maybe I have been burning the candle at both ends for a while, maybe it was the drink in the restuaurant yesterday? After 2 days in Leeds right after San Francisco and then party preparation yesterday I made my way into Soho to say Hello to the Gaydar Radio boys doing their Outside Broadcast (OB) from Comptons in Soho. I called Emily and told her to meet me there. She was so surprised when she arrived to see that I was in the middle of a conversation with Richard from Big Brother. I've spoken to him several times before on the phone and online but it was the first time I had met him. Really nice chap. Emily got all exited and asked me , "Are you coming to the party tomorrow", Meaning, have you invited Richard. Was quite funny really. Course I am coming to my own party.

We then headed to fabulous Balans for dinner and some wine and a cocktail. Thats when it hit me, I was suddenly drousy, maybe it was the drink? On the way to the theatre I started to feel exhausted and just after the show started I doozed off! This is me who cant sleep without a sleeping pill and earplugs. So I guess I must have been worn out to exhaustion. Woke up during the show and just felt like going home to bed so sadly left and came home.

Had an email from Dusan. His hating the ship and I think we have agreed that he will come back earier than we had anticipated. We both need to talk again on the phone after we got cut off on Thursday. The dollar is so weak that his making peanuts their on the ship and it will be worth even less once converted into Sterling. Miss him so much I want nothing more than to be in his arms every night once more.
He will call again soon so I shall keep you posted. For now I have to glamourise the place, Nazeing Pride is today!!!!!