The hardest part is now over. We sat and chilled on the sofa for the last 30 minutes, neither saying very much, neither able to. Both of us our stomach’s churning and feeling sick. But this is different, its not a stomach pain that is turning over, its pain coming from higher, from the heart.
We packed up our final belongings and made our way to the elevator, pausing momentarily to say our final goodbyes in privacy. Its so different from London here. I guess we don’t realise what Lucky Bitches we really are to be able to walk through the streets of Soho holding hands, showing emotion. To be able to kiss your lover goodbye in the street in front of prying eyes. London is so cosmopolitan in 2006 it hardly turns a head to see 2 men or 2 women cuddling, kissing or showing emotion in public. In Croatia it’s so different. Walking down the street you can show nothing, just hold you head high and keep going. Don’t dare to stick out. Its just not the understanding and accepting place that London has boldly become.
We checked out of the hotel and made our way to Concierge to get a taxi to the airport. As he hailed the taxi we took the moment to embrace. To hold one another in each arms as tightly as one can and to say those words once more “I love you”, “I love you too”. And with that I passed him a small piece of my heart and he a piece of mine, so here it be, the two of us will never be whole until we are back in one another’s arms.
I should be happy, after all, we are now committed to one another. Not just for the next few years but for a lifetime of memories together.
Last night he was asking about Disney World and I couldn’t help but think of the times Debbie Polando and I used to sing ‘A whole new World’, so I sang it to him.
“I can show you the world, Shining shimmering splendid
Tell me Dusan, when did you last let your heart decide
I can open your eyes, take you wonder by wonder
Over sideways and under on a magic carpet ride
A whole new world, a dazzling place you never knew
And now from way up here, its crystal clear,
Now I’m in a whole new world with you’.
I think the last line is the most important. I no longer see myself as a single entity. I see it as being us. I no longer sign off just Neil, its Neil & Dusan. I no longer make plans for my future but for our future.
I am now sat in the VIP lounge at the airport. Thank goodness for membership. I can sit and grief alone in the privacy of the lounge and at least the booze is free in here
Once more the wait is on but this time its different. It’s the final countdown. When we see each other again it will be to get the Visa so he can come and make plans to Civil Partnership. From then on, its he & I. My baby and me. I’ve only just said goodbye 30 minutes ago and already I miss him. Come back soon baby, come back soon. All my love, Neil x
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