After what seemed an eternity waiting for the past month I finally fly to Croatia this morning and see my babycakes Dusan. How I will feel when his gone for 6 months I dont know. I know I will spend half of this weekend in tears (even if they are internal ones), hurting at the fact that his going away.
I know his doing it for the right reasons. He needs his independance once he comes here and when he comes in on a "Intent to Civil Partnership Visa" he cant work for 6 months. This cruise will give him enough money to be self supporting during that period which he wants in order not to rely on me always for money. I've told him I dont mind. You cant tell someone you will do anything for them and then say I'm not prepared to do that. I would be monogomous for him, I would travel the ends of the earth for him. I guess the only thing I wouldnt do is give him up. Life without him seems like a half life. He completes me and I feel a huge void the whole time he is gone.
So I shall step on that plane in a couple of hours time and have a very special question to ask him when I am there. When the time is right in a romantic setting and all. Im shaking cos it will then all be official. After all this kicking myself up the butt saying we wouldnt do it if we were not being rushed to, we would, because the time is right. I love him so much and cant bear life without him, he loves me back and cant bear being away. So lets be together. Lets have a celebration like I have never celebrated before with all my friends and family and let the world know we mean it, we love each other and are looking forward to spending every living day together till we die and get old. (not necessarily in that order).
I was reading the Pink Paper yesterday. The front cover says that Gay couples are finding it harder to tell their parents they are going to get married than it is to come out. Its like coming out all over again. You are bringing up a subject that is not talked about after all at home and something that means telling the whole world, aunts & uncles and all. Something I guess some parents brush under the mat and although they accept you for being gay, dont necessarily talk about it to family members. A Civil Partnership will change all that. I wish I wasnt so nervous. I wish my mum read this and now she knows. I want to tell you mum, I just dont know how. I want to tell you before I do it but am scared. Dont know why? Maybe becuase your and Dad's approval means more to me than anyone elses as I respect you both the most in all the world and I need to approval more than anyone elses. So for now, like for the past month, I am chickening out telling the only people I really need approval from. If only she read my blog. Tell me what you think. Email Neil@vauxhallcowboy.com
Also you can see pics from the summer on my new website that is under construction;
www.vauxhallcowboy.com/snaps
No comments:
Post a Comment